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23 Dez 2023
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Frohe Weihnachten und einen zauberhaften Start ins neue Jahr!
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THEMA: Frage

Subject 09 Apr 2009 06:54 #201

neue Geschäftsidee
Une petite vieille avançait dans la rue en traînant deux grands sacs-poubelles,
un dans chaque main. L'un des sacs était troué et, de temps en temps, un billet
de 100 euros s'en échappait et tombait dans la rue.
En voyant cela, un policier l'arrête et lui dit :
« Madame, il y a des billets de 100 euros qui tombent de ce sac !
- Merci de m'en aviser, dit la petite vieille.
Il faut que je retourne récupérer ces billets. Encore merci !
- Un instant, pas si vite, fait le policier. D'où sortez-vous tout cet argent ?
L'avez-vous volé ?
- Oh non ! répond la petite vieille. Voilà : le terrain qui est derrière chez moi
sert de stationnement au stade de foot et chaque fois qu'on joue et que les spectateurs
veulent faire pipi avant d'entrer ou en sortant du stade, ils s'arrêtent devant
les arbustes qui bordent ma maison et ils pissent sur les fleurs que j'ai semées.
Alors, je me planque derrière les arbustes avec une grande paire de ciseaux et
chaque fois que quelqu'un sort son instrument pour pisser, je lui dis :
Donne-moi 100 euros ou je te la coupe !
- C'est pas une mauvaise idée, ça, dit le policier. Alors, bonne chance ...
Mais... dites-moi qu'y a-t-il dans l'autre sac ?
- Ah ben ! répond la vieille, vous savez, ils ne paient pas tous ! »

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Subject 08 Apr 2009 21:37 #202

Die hier kenne ich schon lange, und ich finde sie immer noch sehr amüsant:

How Hot is Hell?

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they ar leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than on religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and we take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, the #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."

This student was the only one to get an "A" exam...

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Subject 08 Apr 2009 20:58 #203

... finde ich jedenfalls:
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving Canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts .. Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bulls**t and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • Sonja
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